Andalucian Life

It started on Sandy's birthday at the beginning of the year, when my wife Tracy asked me when we might think about increasing our livestock. "What livestock?" I replied, before wishing I hadn't. "Exactly," she said "we haven't got any!"
"I'll build you a stable for a horse one day" was the best I could come up with.
"What about some chickens or ducks?"
"Avian flu."
"Rabbits?"
Memories of squealing and squirming pet rabbits with the mixies, being clubbed to death by with a neighbour with his spade still haunt me. "Well we'd get plenty pairs of moccasins."
"Well Patchy dog could do with some company in her old age you know!"
I just rolled my eyes heavenwards.

But the animal ball started rolling when the Godfather rang. "Hello titty bum. What does Sandy want for his birthday, a puppy?"
"Guy, we've already got a dog, get him a Shetland pony if you like" I said jokingly.
"You miserable sod, we'll get him something cuddly don't worry, we'll see you at the party" and he hung up.

Sandy already has some pets that he's quite fond of. They stand at selected spots on the farm. There's a fox, duck and a rabbit. They are made of plaster, but they seem to keep him more than happy upon their discovery with each new expedition. So Sandy was more than surprised when the 'real' Peter Rabbit turned up at his birthday party complete with home made hutch.

"I spent all ****** night making that thing," Guy spluttered, as he swallowed a bottle of Cruzcampo, "You'd think Leroy Merlin would sell the kit to you, they'd make a killing."
As he started on his second bottle (they are only small) some of the fathers of Sandy's schoolmates gathered round the hutch.
"Eso que es?" asked Juan the Ferret (Ironmonger to you).
"Eso no va dura ni dos minutos por la noche!"
The Godfather's face dropped halfway through his third.
"Guy, seems the smart money is on the fox or the Golden eagle preventing Peter from seing the sun rise at Finca Quebrilla from his smartly furnished bedsit."
"Bugger, I hadn't thought about that!"

The phone rang the next day. "How's Peter getting on?" asked an anxious Godfather.
"Peter's no longer here." I replied.
A choked sound from the other end, "How's Sandy taking it?"
"He loves the new puppy." I informed him.

Frasquito who keeps his horses on our land had been seen admiring Peter as he passed the hutch on the way to water his beasts.
"Es una hembra!" he informed Tracy, much to her surprise. He also offered to take the rabbit away and let it breed with some of his males, giving us half of the resulting litter. Childhood memories of blood spattered spades cut in when my wife related the offer to me.
"Swap it for a puppy?" I ventured.

Frasquito rode up on his moped next morning and took a sack from one of the wicker paniers.
"Toma, un perro de agua!" he proclaimed proudly.
Now these are very prized dogs in Spain, the equivalent status to a Border Collie, except they look nothing like them. A medium sized creature with tight curly hair, slightly crazy eyes and floppy ears, they are called Water Dogs as they are able to swim under water for prolonged stretches at a time, making them very useful at collecting game for the hunter.
"You know, you're getting a good deal here," Frasquito confided as he plopped 'Peter' into the empty pannier. I affected ignorance. "your wife saved one of my mares the other day, so I owed her a favour."
He then extracted a sack of potatoes from the other basket. It seemed Tracy's exploits were worth their weight in spuds.

"What did you do for Frasquito's horse?" I asked her.
"Oh, his silly mare went and got itself so tangled in its own stake rope that it ended up on the ground looking like a trussed mustang at a Rodeo. I had to get the bread knife and cut the ropes."
Not being at all a horse person, I just stared at her; you wouldn't catch me near one of the things.
"It had gashed its foreleg and was writhing quite a lot. I had to get the kids in the car and go around half the bars in the village till I found him."
"You do realise we've just doubled the headcount of our livestock, I hope you're satisfied?" Said I.

The potatoes came thick and fast.